


him.

by watergator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-27 01:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: dan returns from his week at phil's where his parents are waiting for an explanation





	him.

Dan looks up at the array of Buffy themed posters that are taped to the ceiling above him. He traces his eyes over each wonky poster. He can feel’s Phil’s elbow against his ribs as he sleeps beside him, their skin touching by just an inch.   
  
He’s naked under the covers, and so is Phil. The door is open still and it’s a little hot in here but Dan can’t bring himself to care. He listens out for the silence, nothing but the soft snores of the boy beside him.  
  
He can’t believe that after such an incredible week away in Manchester, he has to leave so soon. A few hours and he’ll be on the first train home to Wokingham, leaving his heart here in the sheets of Phil’s lumpy bed. He doesn’t care, he wants to stay here until he gets old. He never wants to leave.   
  
But he can’t really stay here forever. He can always come back again, they’ve already planned to meet up again for some halloween gathering soon, and Dan has promised to come back for Christmas; but leaving this place behind, leaving Phil hurts something bad. And there’s nothing he can do to stop it.   
  
He has to go home and see his parents. He has to step back into the reality that his life back home, even if he hates it. He has to keep up the lie he told.  
  
He told his mum that he was heading to Manchester with some old friends to go check out the university for next year. But it’d been a lie. Nothing but a cover up to save himself telling her about his boyfriend that he needed to be with. A secret that only he and Phil knew about, a part of him he separated from his life at home. And now he’d have to go home and lie and smile and tell his parents, his proud mother and father, that he loved it and was looking forward to seeing different campuses.   
  
But he’d really been spending the week with another boy. His mouth on his, holding hands, bodies pressed together under covers with love and passion. And he couldn’t tell them that. He couldn’t tell them that he was with his boyfriend because he doesn’t want to face the repercussions’ of his parent’s beliefs.   
  
Phil stirs next to him, groaning in his sleep as he twists his body to face Dan’s. He pout’s his lips and presses a soft kiss against Dan’s ribs in his sleep, before rolling back over. Dan smiles as he lets the spot tingle with an unexplainable warmth.  
  
He’s so going to miss this.   
  
But he reminds himself inside his head that this is only the beginning; that there is so, so much more than this after all.   
  
He finally falls asleep with the fantasy of a far off future where Dan wakes every morning with Phil in his arms in their own space. No parents or trains. Just them.  
  
When he leaves Phil on that cold platform the next morning, his heart aches terribly as he watches him disappear into nothing but as a dot as the train pulls away. He puts his hand against the glass of the window as Phil waves sadly out to him. It’s so cliché he thinks, but right now he needs to tell himself that this is nothing but the sad part of a rom-com, and the climax of their movie will come soon.   
  
He pushes his earphones deep as they can go, drowning himself in music from his phone until the battery slowly drains and the train speeds off towards Reading.   
Eventually the music fades out, his phone is almost dead and the train rolls to a steady stop, and with his backpack slung over slumped, sad shoulders, Dan makes his way off the train in search for his mum’s car out over the platform and in the car park.  
  
He spots it and walks over to it, wishing the steps he takes would slow down, but he reaches the car and pops open the door and folds himself up to fit into the tiny passengers seat beside her,  
  
“Hey.” He says in a tired voice as he pulls his seatbelt over his chest and clicks it in,  
  
“Hi Daniel, have fun?” She asks without looking at him, pushing the gear stick into first, and before Dan can respond she’s already sped out of the car park and out onto the road.  
  
Dan swallows thickly, pushing his backpack down onto the floor under his foot, “Yeah, Manchester was lovely.” He nods, trying to convince them both with an almost trembling voice. He’s not sure she’ll believe it. He hardly believes it himself.  
  
She simply hums, and nods, eyes focused on the road ahead. He can tell she’s angry, but he can’t understand why. There would be no chance that she would’ve found out about Phil, or where he’s really been this week.   
  
But once they reach home, once Dan enters the threshold of the house and Dan’s father is stood by the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest and his mouth tugged down into an angry expression, does Dan doubt his thoughts.  
  
His parents had wanted to book a second viewing for Manchester University so that the three of them to go together. But after viewing the website had they discovered that the university was closed for any open days for the next three weeks. They had known that Dan had lied.   
  
Dan’s dad yells at him and his mother watches from across the room with disappointed eyes. Dan tries to yell back but he can’t defend himself. The proof is there, sat on a computer on the wooden kitchen table with the website open, glaring at him. Mocking him.  
  
His mother talks once his father has calmed, asking Dan,  
  
“Where the hell have you been, Dan?”   
  
Dan looks at his mum with pleading eyes, begging her, _please don’t ask me that_ , but she couldn’t possibly understand; she has no idea. And when he looks over to his dad, he feels the pressing feeling in his chest.  
  
He didn’t want it to be this way. He’d envisioned it so much differently.  
  
His lack of voice prompts his dad to yell again, barking at Dan to answer them, and Dan shakes at his words, looking down to avoid those prying eyes; those eyes that burn into his skin.  
  
He feels the tears behind his eyes. They threaten to fall as his dad mutters something under his breath, and they finally slip when he hears his mother’s voice call him softly,  
  
“Dan.”  
  
His heart is being crushed in his chest like a vice. It’s squeezing and pulling it apart. He blinks again as fresh tears fall. He thinks about Phil. He thinks about how he’d reach over and use the pad of his thumb to swipe away the tears, lean over and kiss where they fall. He thinks about Phil and it makes him hurt even more.  
  
His dad is growing impatient as he paces the kitchen floor, expressing his anger towards his son. He swears and grunts in frustration. Then he gives a short laugh that catches Dan’s attention. He looks up at where his dad is stood. His face is red from all the yelling and his arms are still crossed across his chest. His lips are curled into a sly grin, almost like a cat, when he says,  
  
“Come on Daniel, you can tell us anything. It’s not like you’re gay or something.”   
  
The same short bark of laughter that follows his words is what causes the snapping sensation in his chest. It feels like every rib in his chest has snapped and splintered inside his body, stabbing and snagging at his heart.  
  
He gives a small sob and before he closes his eyes again, he sees his mother give a worried look across the room to his father; her face etched in fear. A fear that can’t even compare to his own right now.  
  
“Dan?” she speaks softly, her gentle voice that reminds Dan so much of when he was little. Back when he though his parents would be able to protect him from everything. But right now he can’t feel that same feeling. He feels like he needs protecting from them right now.  
  
His dad steps forward, and every muscle in Dan’s body tenses. He looks up, tears streaming down his face, eyes burning and heart throbbing. His dad looks over at him, almost trying to speak to him without words. So he sucks in a deep, shaky breath and steadies his poor heart. He balls his fist and imagines what it feels like with Phil’s palm against his. He tries to remember that feeling and it’s what calms him. He looks over at his mum who has her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing it down and down until it chapped and red, and then back at his dad, and says,  
  
“I was with another boy.”  
  
“What?” His mum squeaks, but Dan doesn’t break eye contact with his dad, watching the emotion in his eyes; the same eyes Dan took from his genes, not once blinking.  
  
“I was with him. I was with Phil.”  
  
He can feel his body prickle with fear; he feels it in every hair, every inch of skin. But he stands tall and squeezes his hands tighter, imagining it’s still Phil.  
  
“Who’s Phil?” his mother asks quietly.  
  
His dad is still watching him, eyes locked. There’s so much rage behind his face. It etches into every wrinkle and line over his face, and as Dan lets a few more stray tears breeze down his cheeks he learns he doesn’t care for his father’s anger. He has to do this.  
  
“Phil is my,” he hesitates, his heart is now drumming furiously against his chest. But he thinks about how Phil would lay his head over his chest and hum along to the steady rhythm and how they’d both laugh, pressing kisses into the corners of their mouths.   
  
He’s unapologetic.  
  
“Phil is my boyfriend. I went and saw my boyfriend.”  
  
He’s greeted with a thick silence once the words leave his mouth. He can almost imagine them floating there, suspended in the air as they both try to grasp them. He almost wishes he could reach out and swallow them back down. But he can’t. And he won’t.   
  
“Get out.” Dan’s dad finally speaks. His voice is low and almost breaking. He’s looking down, almost refusing Dan to look at him.  
  
“What?” Dan asks, lip trembling. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want it to happen like this.  
  
“I said, get out.” He never once raises his voice. It’s eerily unsettling. Dan looks across at his mum, who looks away once their eyes meet.  
  
It was never supposed to be like this.  
  
He nods, looking down at his feet, before he turns and leaves the room. He looks back at his parents once he reaches the door; neither of them having moved, frozen in their places. More tears fall from his eyes, burning his skin as they run down his face.   
  
He turns and walks out, towards the stairs up to his room.   
  
He reaches the first step when he notices Adrian sat on the stair looking up at him with wide eyes.  
  
“Do you really have a boyfriend?” he asks with a small voice, almost a whisper, hiding from their parents.  
  
Dan sniffs and nods.   
  
Adrian nods too, looking down, Dan can’t move.  
  
“Do you like him?” Adrian asks, looking up at him.  
  
Dan gives a breathy laugh and nods,  
  
“Yeah, I’m kinda in love with him.”  
  
Adrian watches his brother in silence before his face cracks into a smile, almost sympathetic.  
  
“That’s alright.”   
  
“Yeah.” Dan responds.  
  
And as Dan climbs the stairs to his room, he pauses halfway up to listen out for the voices of his parents in the kitchen still. He can hear the whispers and mutterings of shocked emotions. It hurts. It really hurts.  
  
But as he continues making his way to his room does he squish that hurt down, because he still has Phil. He still has a future to live and a boy to kiss and be with. He still has something. Because no matter what his parents think or believe, or scream and cry, Dan will still love Phil.  
  
He will always love him.

**Author's Note:**

> i based this fic from a sam smith song 'HIM' which is so so good but also kind of relates to the fic so you should go listen to that :)
> 
> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


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